Things They Never Warned Me About In Seminary

I've worked (that's "served" for you spiritual types) at a church since 1994, most of those years as a senior (read: only) pastor. For those of you not intimately related to the workings of a church let me say that church work is probably not what you think.

Joys and thrills? Yes.
Sense of satisfaction? Yes.
Hurt? Unbelievable.
Crime? Yes.
Comedy? Bout every week :-)

I have a list. It's called, "The Things They Never Warned Me About In Seminary." Here is a portion:

1. No one ever warned me drug addicts would call at 2am begging for money because they were too embarrassed to ask family or friends.

2. No one ever told me I would walk with an elderly woman through the streets looking for her husband, with Alzheimer's, who had wandered out the front door.

3. No one ever warned me eight year old boys sometimes sit on the end of the pew and ride it like a horse during the invitation, lasso motions and all. And that I would have to keep a straight face.

4. No one ever warned me that youth "ministers" sometimes get speeding tickets on church vans, run through the building with a chainsaw scaring the pee out of kids (literally), and sometimes wear flip flops to Sunday morning worship.

5. No one ever warned me that what happened at the church twenty years ago with people who are now gone can still affect decision making.

6. No one ever told me that some Baptists move a little slower than frozen molasses.

7. No one ever told me that "Baptist Pastor" is a get-out-of-jury-duty-free card :-)

8. No one ever told me about Baptist Handshakes and how timely they can be.

9. No one ever told me how much I would value the friendships that develop in various churches, or how those friendships can thrive in spite of distance and time.

10. No one ever told me how proud I would be to say, "I'm his/her pastor" or how those same words could embarrass me.

The list goes on...time fails me to write of stalkers, pedophiles, vulnerables, and liars. I could just as easily write of the givers, encouragers, or mentors. But that captures what church work is all about, a mix of good and evil, joy and profound sadness, laughter and secrets, privilege and exclusion. An elderly woman at the first church I served once said to me, "What you do, it's not for sissies." I think she's right.