Saturday

My Post Secret



Allow me to write as the bastard child of '69. My parents spent a few weeks at the beach in March of that year; smoking dope, drinking beer, and sleeping in the car. My mother came home carrying the newest member of the family; although that would be news to her and her parents soon enough.

In those years in small town south Alabama unmarried mothers dared not to show their faces at church. Not even my grandparents went to church after the news became public. The shame for people like me starts before we take our first free breath. By the time the cord is cut we are forever tied to the sins of our parents.

I was born on a cold, cloudless day in December. My parents didn't have the money for the hospital bill, so my grandfather paid the $100 for my ransom so I could be taken to my new home, which just happened to be my grandparent's house. Not even a week old and already my life was a story of poverty and handouts.

I don't know how old I was when I realized my parents were never married. No one ever told me that, as far as I can remember, but very early I knew there were no wedding bands, no wedding pictures, no certificate, no stories for which I could be proud.

But I do remember the violence. I remember the drunkenness, the smell of beer and urine and vomit. To this day I can vividly recall watching people get high, the way smoke hangs in the air, and how you cannot wake people who have passed out.

I remember screams in the car, fights in the yard, yelling, and more screaming. Few of my preschool memories do not include some act of abuse or violence or abandonment. I was once a little boy sitting on the back steps listening to the battle going on in the house in the middle of the night. The violence eventually stopped. A door was torn off the hinges. My dad was gone forever. My mother was broken on the floor. I stayed on the steps out back. It was the safest place I knew in the world.

God looks out for fools and little children. I've heard that many times, and in my case some part of it is true. I was not alone that night on the back steps. I know now there is a God who sees children who are just trying to stay out of the way.

Fast forward a few years. Someone noticed the single mom and her two children. Someone cared enough to invite them to church. My mother still couldn't bring herself to attend, but she did allow me and my sister to go. One Sunday morning the God who had been watching over me from the beginning took my hand and heart in a way that I still cannot put into words. From that moment until now I've had a Father.

Fast forward a few more years. My Father called, it was more like a whisper, but he made it clear. He spoke of what matters most in life. He spoke to me of direction and a purpose to pursue for the rest of my days. I just remember being thankful, being overjoyed, being safe.

Time fails me to fill in the gaps; to write of the change and the growth and the healing that occurred through the years. My life is a story of redemption, a story that is still being written. What began in shame, sin, and struggle was transformed by the love of God who is greater than all three.

Today I pastor a church in small town south Alabama. In fact, each Sunday I preach not five miles from the old farm house where my mother once told her parents about me for the first time. Sometimes I drive through the little town my mother felt she had to escape. I usually take a moment to notice the church my family felt they could not face.

And when I park beside the church where I pastor I often say a prayer; a prayer of thankfulness to the God who changed my life. Then I look out over the town around me and wonder how many others out there are like I once was. Such thoughts motivate me to look a little closer, to notice a little more, and to take the extra time to make sure people know I care. The Father is always watching.

7 comments:

Kristin Tanner said...

Love it!

Bouffant Blonde said...

You are one of the kindest and most compassionate people I know. I am so thankful that God watched over you then and now.

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Freda Dion said...

It still amazes me how he takes care of us. He had a purpose for you. Maybe you wouldn't be the pastor you are now if you hadn't gone through everything you did back then. I pray that the Lord keeps and blesses you. Thank you for sharing.

pastorjon said...

Great read! I really enjoyed it and would love to hear more!!

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Portuguesito said...

The Problem in our society are the Freemasons, aka masons. If they were to disappear, the world would be a farrrr.....better place!

Masonry, the sure path to ruin. You may not see it now in the beginning, but you will as you progress in the craft and further yourself away from God and your Christian faith...

For starters, masons are interested ONLY in accepting those that hold some position of importance or authority in society. If it is a would be or actual politician than even better! Masons do NOT accept regular joes, homeless, or unimportant lazy folk. Second, the hook is the so-called Believe in a Higher Being nonsense (be it Jew, Christian, Buddhist, Muslim etc.). Third, as the mason progresses through the stages in the craft, the end goal for him is to realize that He does not need God because the transformation has occurred whereby the member realizes he is a God unto himself. Moreover, the ceremonies he participates in are Occult period and anti-Catholic (Christian), Muslim, Jewish, and Buddhist. They are demonic period.
Fourth, it is the duty of every mason not to knowingly or wittingly do harm, talk bad about or tell on his fellow mason. And, when a fellow mason is in need or danger to help him above all else. Therefore, this is the WHY it is so simple for the pedophiles within the occult mason organization to easily rape, molest, enter children with impunity. Some use mikey Finn, or simply get vulnerable children in exchange for cash to their families who need it. No fellow mason can, or is allowed by their own acceptance of the rules when entering the craft, to "tell" on one another. Hence, the perfect crime.
Fifth, just to clarify, the end game of masonry, which also is the de facto mission of the occult, is to slowly like hairloss, have it's members deconstruct all that is descent and Holy in society. Masonry and Catholicism are non-congruent. This is why every mason has a duty to oppress society (one of the masonic central tenets is: Through Chaos Comes Order, and it is the masons that will establish their occult order unto society). This is the reason why they work hard to destroy all that is sanctity in society and impose demonic teachings (For example: no Lord's prayer, gays and lesbians and 1/2 and 1/2 are a good thing,not a mental disorder which it is and if you oppose this you are racist of some sort. Have an abortion because it is not a human you have inside you but a piece of pepperoni, flood countries with muslims who NEVER integrate and are shut-in and by nature only impose on all their religious ways of thinking at all costs etc.).
And lastly, If one is a Catholic one cannot become a freemason. DO NOT be fooled by the masons and their lies. It is a mortal sin and excommunication to follow. If it were up to me i would banish masonry peiod, jail the pedophiles and bring forth to the Hague International Court all masons to pay for their Crimes Against Humanity. Hopefully, some day, this will occur.